Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need a beard to bite.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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