he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
