Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
