I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
