She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
