I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
