I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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