looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
