I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
