Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
