i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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