Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
