I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
