did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
