It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
