I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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