i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
