she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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