I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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