I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
