If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
