i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
