i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
