I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
