Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
