so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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