You really coming over, don't trick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
