Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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