I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
