if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
