Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
do nipples grow back?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
