Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want a musical about memes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
