I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
