my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
