I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
