im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
