DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The Olympian is in my bed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
