i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
