you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
