so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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