took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
