come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
