We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
