We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
