Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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