he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
