Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
