i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
