..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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