I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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